Shattered in mind, body and soul

Broken arm

Bruised ... blood from the fracture in my left shoulder is pooling nicely.

I’ve just got back from the surgeon to assess the damage on my body from my crash last week and in a word, I feel the same as my shoulder – shattered.

The short story is it’s going to take me six to eight months to recover. That means that by Christmas, I should be feeling 80 per cent better. Christmas … that’s so far away.

Essentially, after looking at my x-rays and 3D modelling of my shoulder, it’s pretty clear why this is the case. The ball of my shoulder – so the top of my humerus bone – has broken into three pieces. It looks a bit like a pie chart. The top, which fits into the cuff of the shoulder joint, is displaced and the outer of the the two pieces below it has slipped away from the main bone of my left arm. However, surgery won’t make things any better. Smaller pieces of bone could crack up under the duress of screws, and there are so many associated risks with major procedures (which this would be), such as infections and so forth, that the doctor believes the body’s own healing process is a safer and more reliable way to go. Luckily, all the pieces are in a good place for healing. But healing, sadly, takes a long time. It also takes a distinct lack of movement on my part.

I’ve got six weeks in a sling that is already making my life extremely hard. I can’t eat properly, wash properly, sleep comfortably, drive, type with two hands, play drums, play guitar, take photos, travel (I had Japan in my sights for October – maybe I can still make that), lift anything remotely heavy, ride my bike or do any other form of physical activity. Ninety per cent of the things I love doing are now impossible, and I hate it.

I don’t use the word hate often, but in this instance, I feel it’s more than justified.

Workwise, too, the next six weeks – with the World Cup and Tour de France upon us at SBS – will be the busiest ever. This could not have come at a worse time vocationally, but I’ll do everything in my power to make sure my amazing team doesn’t suffer.

When the words “six months” spilled from the surgeon’s lips, I’m sure I visibly deflated. It’s so disappointing. Of course it could have been far worse, but as well as depressed, I felt an overwhelming need to find the fucker (excuse me) that made this happen and smash his head against a brick wall until it resembled something akin to my currently destroyed shoulder joint. Call it fate or whatever, but after working so hard to get my life vaguely back on track over the past six months, this landed like an atomic bomb in my lap today. It all seems so grossly unfair. Perhaps it’s karma, who knows, but after this, I reckon I’ve done my time and I’m due some pretty sensational life happenings.

So it’s not all doom and gloom. I’m more than confident I can get through this and when rehabilitation and physiotherapy starts in a couple of months, I’m going to work my ring off to get fitter than I was before this even happened. If I’ve gained anything over the past year, it’s resilience, and a small part of me is actually looking forward to the challenge. That’s not something I could have said a while ago, so I’ve certainly changed for the better on that front.

Bring it on, I say. Let’s do this. Tomorrow is a new start, and today is just one more I don’t have to get through before this is all over.

11 thoughts on “Shattered in mind, body and soul

  1. Oh Tobes that really sucks big time, you poor thing. I think it’s perfectly healthy to let yourself wallow in self pity for a little bit.

    Maybe you can use these next 9 months to be slothful and decadent without feeling guilty about it, I mean just eat out, do nice things for yourself and not feel bad about not being super healthy and fit. At least we’re going into winter πŸ™‚

    let me know if there’s anything you need or if you feel like a home cooked meal in front of a movie πŸ™‚ we’re great at that!


  2. So sorry to hear that T. I know it won’t feel like that now, but everything happens for a reason.

    Tomorrow is a new start like you said and thank god it wasn’t worse than it is.

    Good things to come soon.


  3. Tobes so sorry to hear all of this. Chin up mate.

    I have a tear in my shoulder at the moment from when I couldn’t get a job in Norway and spent time working as a stagehand – I hurt it lugging steel for bloody Madonna!

    It’s not the same of course, but I can relate to what you’re saying. It’s one of those body parts you totally take for granted.

    Eight months seems long now but like everything, it will pass.

    Good luck with the World Cup and the Tour.



  4. It’s not the best news, Tobes, but as I’ve said before it’s lucky u didn’t lend on your head or spine. I think there few things you can still do and enjoy:
    1) you can still lift a pint
    2) you can’t take pics but you can still be in them
    3) you can still enjoy galleries and exhibitions
    4) you can pick up a few new books and get into reading
    5) u can explore unknown streets and suburbs by walking as much as possible

    and u will get lots of home
    cooked meals from different people

    Get better and make sure to yell if u need anything…remember I drive now xo


  5. oh jeez tobes – i just heard the news. That must be hell, not being able to do so many things that make you happy. It couldn’t have happened to a less deserving guy than you. I hope you heal well, and that guy gets a bike seat up his ass in the near future. should catch up for a beer soon. Take care, sean.


  6. Dude – you poor bastard. Wallow away for a few days and make people bring you… errr… stuff. You’ll be back on track, Christmas will fly past, promise (seriously didn’t it feel like January like two weeks ago??)

    Up for me bringing you breakfast tomorrow after I drop wifey off at work?


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